Archive for the ‘Work and Loneliness’ Category
Loneliness and work
I didn’t intend to blog today, but a post from a reader about finding sociability at work got me thinking. So many people find their best and easiest social ties at work, and there is nothing wrong with this. It’s completely natural to rely on work as a source of friendship and camaraderie — after all, that’s part of the appeal of so many professions, such as law or medicine. It’s not just the job, it’s the notion that you’ll be working with smart, creative people who will fill your day with meaning and a sense of connection.
I’m now struggling with the whole notion of loneliness and work. At the law firm where I clerked, people used to joke that they were “artists trapped in a lawyer’s body.” They meant that, while they were actually processing real estate transactions, they really wanted to be painting, playing guitar, or writing the next great novel.
I’ve always felt the opposite: I feel like a lawyer trapped in an artist’s body. I write, and I love doing it, but I long for the collegiality of an office job. I find it strange that my chosen line of work is so solitary — especially since my subjects are loneliness and social isolation. I’m often drawn to job ads. They’re sort of addictive. I’ll read them and think, I’d be able to socialize at that job! Or, I might have friends if I worked there!
I fully intend to keep writing, but I’m aware of the sociability an office, or factory, or call center can offer. I think of all the people who have lost jobs in this recession, and how this has left so many people so much more alone. There’s much more to be written on this subject, but I wanted to at least touch on it. This might be a strange thing to say, but when I feel isolated, I don’t daydream about parties. I daydream about having colleagues, friends who I see at work every day. I daydream about the sociability of work.
Lawyering and loneliness
I don’t talk about this much in the book, since it seemed like something most people would not be able to relate to, but practicing law did leave me lonelier. I went to law school with the notion that law was an enormously social profession, but–at least in my experience–it turned out not to be.
Part of the problem was that I chose to work at a very small firm (large firms in Canada don’t and can’t house environmental protection practices), and the nature of the work (protecting landscapes) meant that it was oddly “de-populated.” I’d hear from lawyers who’d chosen other fields–criminal, labor, family–and I’d envy them for what seemed like a constant swirl of client meetings, phone calls, and court appearances.
An interviewer recently asked me why I chose such an isolating field, and I couldn’t give her a snappy answer. I think that part of the problem was that no one had told me that a legal practice might be lonely. All through law school, the profs and visiting lawyers talked about collegiality and client contact. No one talked about spending eight or nine hours alone at your desk going over caselaw, or contacting clients only through email, or finding yourself alone in a small office.
There are all sorts of issues here, such as why I didn’t choose a more gregarious specialty, or why I didn’t transfer to a larger firm. Ultimately, my loneliness undid me and I simply left the profession. But…and I think I might be rambling a bit here…part of the problem was the mismatch between what my friends thought a legal practice was like, and what it actually was like. Everyone around me assumed I was basically working on the set of Law & Order, and that my days were a series of exciting talks and intimate exchanges. Almost no one realized that my social contact was hugely limited.
I’m not saying that every lawyer is going to wind up lonely. What I am saying is that we need to recognize that there’s something about the practice of law, at least in smaller firms (though perhaps in larger ones as well) that can be quite isolating. And it might be nice if lawyers were able to admit this outright. Only once did I hear another lawyer admit to isolation, and the admission came from an older woman who had retired and had few concerns about how colleagues might view her.
There are many issues here, and I need to keep thinking them through. More on law to follow. I still have daydreams of being a bustling family lawyer (the sort you see on TV!), but that might be a fantasy, and even family lawyers might find themselves struggling with feelings of isolation. Thoughts and comments welcome.