I’ve been a very bad blogger

First, my apologies. I knew a lot of time had gone by since my last post, but when people started to ask, “Are you OK?” I knew I’d really left things too long.

I’ve also been very remiss about returning emails. If you’re written to me, thank you! I am not ignoring you and will write back shortly.

The problem, I’ve discovered, is that I’m a one-trick pony. Am working on Book The Second, and when I’m doing that I can’t write anything else. Nothing. It’s like my mind turns itself on when I sit down to work on a chapter, and just switches itself off when the chapter’s packed up.

Good news! Am now on Chapter 4 (five, really, if you count the preamble). Now the doubt sets in. I find there areĀ at least two stages to writing. The first stage is when you feel really good and confident. The second stage is when you think, “OMG, it’s all awful.” You can go back and forth between these two poles endlessly: confidence, despair, confidence, despair. It’s a tiny bit crazy-making.

There are wonderful people in the world called editors, and I’ll be contacting mine soon for some professional feedback. A few clear words from an editor (“fix this,” or “this doesn’t work,” or “have you thought about X?”) can totally stop the crazy see-saw. The problem is that you can’t contact an editor until the material is pretty much ready to go, and to get to that point…well, it’s the see-saw again.

I’m blogging today because I’m not writing. I have a headache, and–even WORSE–it’s starting to get hot in Toronto. Like, really hot. I have a fan and an air conditioner but I hate feeling as though I can’t head out during the days. My brain just fries. I lose my sunglasses and forget my sunblock and it all just goes downhill…

See! I do love to blog. I could babble on for hours. I like reaching out. I just have to try harder to do this while I’m writing. There might be one or two of you still reading. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone else gave up on me. There will be more to follow. More b*tching about the summer. Updates on the book. Oh, and stuff about loneliness and isolation and how to respond to it.

Thanks for all the feedback to date.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 21st, 2012 at 5:48 pm and is filed under the category General.

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11 Responses to “I’ve been a very bad blogger”

  1. Hi Emily,

    Glad to see that you’re writing again! Look forward to Book #2.

    I’m not a big summer person either, but I do try to stay active which helps mitigate my loneliness. Went for a bicycle ride today and had a healthy meal afterwards. Have to keep those endorphins functioning!

  2. Alicia said:

    No worries. Your case sounds really familiar. I, lonely as well, am tackling a huge painting I was commissioned to do a long while ago…and now, I officially have a deadline…as it will be in a show in July. So I am now down to the last stretch…I am getting sick of looking at it, but I have to put all precision into it to the final brush stroke, because that’s what I started it on, detail! So, as a result, my other artistic endeavors are on hold. I did email you a painting I did, on loneliness, some weeks ago. I enjoy your blog very much so. Keep it up! Have an awesome evening!

  3. Welcome back, Emily.

    I wish my failures at multitasking were for something as noble as writing a book. The path of least resistance and all that.

    Thank you for the progress update, looking forward to it.

  4. y0landa said:

    It’s great to see a blog post Emily ……. :-) and glad you’ve gotten so much of the new book written ……. 4 chapters is really good :-)

    Can you write while you’re out of the house? Could you go to the local library with your laptop? Maybe they have a meeting room you can use ….. know what I mean? that way it would be a lot cooler than staying at home.

    PS – what will you do when for the rest of summer? it’s only “early days” yet!!

  5. AnDee said:

    Oh serendipity how I love you…

    Yesterday I found your book. I wasn’t looking for you…
    After getting off the night shift at Mile One, St. John’s, this morning {ironically setting up for a concert I couldn’t ever join…} I picked it up and began to read…
    Years{?} ago I heard an interview with you on CBC, called my Mom before you finished speaking {how rude!} and said “I am not depressed. I am a Chronic Lonely…”
    Now here I am with your new post just up!
    I too dislike summer. I think in that interview you mentioned it…How in summer it is harder to be lonely. The summer puts the happy un~lonely front and centre.
    Now here I am writing a book on your blog!

    I just wanted to say thank you. Curled up on my couch, with my cat, aching muscles, and your words I feel much less alone…Now if there were a book that would soothe overworked back muscles…Book #2 perhaps?

    Be well.
    Be creative!

  6. Alicia said:

    I find summer a bit of an oxymoron. You want the sun, warmth, and to live the dream of backyard barbeques…with endless yearnings of catching up on all the books that piled up on your floor and tabletops that you never get to read. Then you end up actually in the sun in your yard, or some nearby park dwelling on the fact that everyone you know all packed up and left on holidays, leaving you to talk to the birds about your passions or dreams, instead of a colleague or friend. The feelings of loneliness and isolation can intensify a hundredfold. Winter can at least bring a sense of mystified community, as we all cram into one building, turning up the thermostat to keep warm.

  7. Iamnotabozo said:

    Thanks for the update … I understand artists and the focus of creativity and appreciate the process. We are all on the same difficult journey as you…. thanks for letting us tag along and hope we can help.

    Yes, I am going to say it “I hate the heat” last night I was already “stressing” about the confinement and humidity. I am already thinking about ways to cope, I live in downtown Toronto and am off for eight weeks in the summer. I buy membership cards to all the art galleries and museums and this summer I am going to discover the underground air conditioned shopping PATH mall – air conditioning, walking. I am planning an escape route. Wal Mart in the core sold out of air conditioners today……..

  8. @ Iamnot: Try Home Depot…I think they have stand-up ACs.

  9. Diane said:

    Might there be an association between highly sensitive persons and loneliness? I don’t like the heat either. Keep up the good work writing!

  10. I have struggled with loneliness forever but didn’t understand what it was. I have never been able to explain it to other people so they understand. I got your book and am 26 pages in. It is so totally correct. I want to read out passages to people instead of trying to explain it myself. Thank you

  11. Alicia said:

    Hi Diane, I often wonder about that very concept myself. It seems as though maybe highly sensitive people (myself included) find it difficult to connect with other people the way they hope and envision, on a deeper level. And maybe the feeling of often being misunderstood amplifies a real sense of disconnect on that deeper level with other people, thus intensifying the experience of loneliness. Good point to ponder Diane!

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