Mini book review: Going Solo
Have just finished *Going Solo,* the new book by NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg. This book is getting a lot of press in the US, and it’s easy to see why. Rates of living alone have skyrocketed since the 1970s, and this is the first book to assess the demographics and put people at ease about solo living.
There are a lot of good things about this book. It’s incredibly well-researched, and it does an admirable job of dismantling stigma. If you live alone and like it, and are tired of people asking if you’re “OK” on your own, then this is the book for you.
The only problem I had with this book was that people didn’t seem to have any problems. As a result, most of the text felt a bit bloodless to me. No one was lonely — or, if they were, loneliness was a fleeting, temporary problem. Most people had good jobs, nice apartments, lots of friends. Reading about them was a bit of a snooze.
I felt that the book finally came to life when Klinenberg got around to discussing people who were on the margins: namely, single men living in hostels, and the very elderly, facing old age alone. Klinenberg himself seems more interested in these people than he does in his happy singletons. (Klinenberg’s previous work was on the elderly dying alone in heat waves, and it’s easy to see where his sympathies really rest.)
So, verdict: a great book on stigma, and on the reasons why living alone is on the rise. This is also a *terrific* book on the subject of urban planning (since Klinenberg’s argument is that we need more high-density neighbourhoods where singletons can walk easily and meet others like themselves.) If you’re looking for a book about loneliness, look elsewhere. And if you’re seeking a book about solitude, my money is still on Anthony Storr’s *Solitude* — a beautiful piece of writing on the rewards of being alone.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 4th, 2012 at 10:44 am and is filed under the category Social Isolation.
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5 Responses to “Mini book review: Going Solo”
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Generations ago, high-density urban planning was the norm.
Then it was dismissed decades ago with the mass exodus to suburbs and enclaves.
Refocusing on urban planning would address both loneliness and high fuel prices.
(Perhaps our forefathers were smarter than we thought!)
After seeing a movie I mentioned it to two of my co-workers and they didn’t ask me which movie they asked me “who did I go with” and I said “by myself”. The look of pity on both their faces was shocking, I thought they were going to cry for me or pray for me. What an eye opener – so many questions. Why is the status quo still the nuclear family when that is not the statistical data? If people are paying attention to the census that means urban centres need to be designed for single people in all age brackets. Anyway, these people left me speechless and I muttered something like “I enjoyed the show it didn’t matter if I was by myself”.
I remember a few decades ago, there was an effort to remove the stigma of being single, as opposed to being married, which was seen as the norm. Many people tried to glorify or idealize singleness.
Now, the percentage of traditionally married people has declined sharply, at least in the U.S. and Canada. It has become more socially acceptable for heterosexual couples to “life together” without getting married; and more recently, there’s been growing acceptance of gay partnerships, and states in the U.S. are beginning to recognize gay marriages. But the norm is still seen as two people together as a couple in a relationship. Being ALONE continues to be considered unusual, and somewhat stigmatized.
It sounds as if this book first attempts to explain and perhaps idealize “going solo” in the same way that people tried to idealize being single.
Thank you, Emily, for gently pointing out that in real life, everything is not always perfect. Thank you for pointing out that some people living alone may be living at the “margins.” Single men (I resemble that remark
and the very elderly. In meeting recently with some of my late father’s elderly cousins, I was struck by the almost universal “aloneness” of the very elderly. People who lived in family situations with spouses and children eventually become widowed or divorced, and children can live far away and be indifferent.
Thank you especially for pointing out the advantages of high-density, walkable neighborhoods. I’ve concluded that, at least for me, being single in a suburban or rural neighborhood is much more isolating than living in a city. (The late Canadian author Jane Jacobs “wrote the book” on cities.)
Apologies if you’ve seen this, Emily. A long review of “Going Solo”:
http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/04/16/120416crbo_books_heller?currentPage=all
I’ve always hated living alone, which is good because I’ve never been able to afford my own place anyway. And even though I adore being around friends, I frequently take myself out solo to the movies, coffee & random Facebook events of people I don’t know. (Though I’m definitely more curious than bold
One note on the elderly living alone: a couple of months ago I interviewed sociology professor Meika Loe on her book Aging Our Way. It’s about the 85+ crowd who refuse to live in institutions, and have very full, not-so-lonely lives. (Altho, like anything good, it requires a lot of work/team work.) One great story Meika told was about how she rents a room 3 days a week from an elder near campus, instead of commuting a couple of hours on those days she teaches. It gives a little more income to the elder, and provides a lovely friendship for both women.
I’ve done a lot of work with the elderly, and I am so lucky to have befriended several much-older friends, the age of my parents, grandparents & more! Whenever I get a little down & lonely, I remind myself that I’m not the only one in need of a visitor. But it took me quite a while to get to this point, wish I had been open minded enough to have such friends in my very lonely 20′s.
Here’s Meika’s website: http://agingourway.wordpress.com/
And my blog abt her book: http://tampadogooder.blogspot.com/2012/02/life-sans-cocoon.html