Loneliness and “daily maintenance”
One of the best things about having the book published is that I’m hearing back from people with their perspectives on the state. I was speaking with someone in Halifax, trying to explain that my loneliness doesn’t feel at all over to me. I was saying that it feels like something I’ll have to continue battling my whole life.
And his response to me was, “You need daily maintenance.” I think the phrase comes from Alcoholics Anonymous, but it really hit home. I think responding to loneliness really does require daily attention and “maintenance.”
I’m not sure what my “maintenance” regime will be, though I know I need one. For me, it must include exercise, and ideally meditation (though I have a hard time sticking to a meditation schedule). It should also probably include spirituality, though (as I’ve written in my posts on religion), I yet don’t have a church or congregation that feels like home to me.
Right now, I just wanted to share the phrase, and the idea, since I think it captures something important about responding to chronic loneliness.
This entry was posted on Friday, February 19th, 2010 at 10:34 am and is filed under the category Dealing with Loneliness.
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6 Responses to “Loneliness and “daily maintenance””
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I find going on meditation retreats a good thing for my eternal loneliness. the experience of being with people, of having the day mapped out and of not having to relate but to simply be with what is inside myself is very soothing. Although i find it hard to maintain a practice outside of the retreat and I’m not able to live like a monk. In a possibly ironic way I think a lot of my loneliness comes from an acute sensitivity to other people which i don’t feel others have toward me.
I love the notion of being with people without having to interact. That, for me, is often ideal for my loneliness. The trouble is that it’s a not a situation that comes up very often.
I have found that a regular yoga practice gives me my “daily maintenance”. I use classes or retreats to practice kirtan (singing), meditation and physical postures. I agree that being with people without having to interact makes classes and retreats ideal. On a daily basis I maintain a breathing practice (pranayama) with meditation. I also have a daily physical (asana) practice. These practices carry me through until the next class or retreat. A thread of connection that runs through every day.
I like the idea of having a thread of experience that carries you through the day. Sounds like an ideal response to the distraction and anxiety loneliness can cue. Thank you for your thoughts.
have to say, I like the phrase, I can see the logic (if such a word about an emotion can be used.) I have integrated my life, albeit slowly, with new activities, gym the primary contender. I want to combat this loneliness, more than anything, but I can’t seem to get past a certain point of pushing myself just a little bit further, particularly when getting to know new people, feel like I’m in catch-22. have to say, any comments/suggestions would be appreciated.
I too like the idea of daily maintenance. Given that lonely people don’t have 100% control over resolving the situation it is important that we do find activities and practices we enjoy to fill our lives. This is something within our control. Even if we continue to feel some extent of loneliness at least our minds are occupied with other things and thus less likely to become depressed.