The importance of animals when dealing with loneliness
It’s easy to dismiss the sense of comfort and companionship that animals offer, and say, ‘Well, you might feel briefly less lonely, but it’s just a cat. You’re not interacting with another person, the way a normal person should.’
This misses the point (and the therapeutic effect) completely. Loneliness cues a sense of distrust. Lonely people tend to test as more “distrustful” than the nonlonely. Anything that promotes trust can ultimately help offset loneliness. Being with a pet can help you overcome feelings of distrust (and build feelings of trust) in an enormously non-threatening, safe way. This isn’t to say it’s not going to be hard, when chronically lonely, to interact with others: it will be. But you’re going to be better off—in your interactions with humans—if you can draw on those feelings of trust a golden retriever or siamese cat tends to cue.
If animals can give us a break from feelings of threat, distrust, insecurity, and lack of connection, they represent a critical first step in dealing with loneliness—and we should value them as such.
This entry was posted on Saturday, January 23rd, 2010 at 11:41 am and is filed under the category Animal Assisted Therapy.
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6 Responses to “The importance of animals when dealing with loneliness”
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When my marriage collapsed and I moved back to my home country after an absence, with no friends I could call on, I was nearly post-traumatic with grief over the betrayal, unable to trust anyone, and very lonely. We got a kitten. I held the kitten and thought, If I can start by loving this very small and harmless thing, maybe one day I can love people again. Three years on, it seems to be beginning to work.
Most people who know me would be surprised to hear me describe myself as lonely. They think I am gregarious, funny, and well-liked. But I understand exactly what is meant by defining loneliness as a lack of connection. I feel disconnected. But I’m starting to make a few connections now.
I’ve been married for nearly 25 years, and I’ve been lonely for probably 22 of them. I also spend most of my childhood feeling alone, even with 2 sisters & a brother. I have had at least 1 dog for the last 11 years, I have 2 right now. My husband is not an animal lover, in fact would get rid of them in a heartbeat. He asks what I “see” in the dogs…they are a lot of work and expense. He cannot understand they provide me with companionship and unconditional love. It’s not that my hustband doesn’t love me, but he doesn’t bark and wag his tail and practically wriggle out of his skin when I walk through the door. My first dog would lie on my bed with me while I watched a chick flick, something my husband couldn’t stand (the movie, not the dog on the bed!) My dogs will always take a walk with me…they don’t care if they are missing the big game. Yeah, that’s why animals are such great therapy.
I have spent huge chunks of time in my life feeling lonely. When my marriage broke up…I was turning 65 the day after Christmas and I was heartboken…no, I was just broken. I have a 14 year old poodle who has been with me through the worst. He is a comfort and I love him dearly. Now, I think about what I’ll be like without him. I have no home, no money and no life, but I am content. The horror show that was my marriage taught me about lonliness. I will read your book and pray that it has something for me. Thank you for addressing the subject.
I intend to get this book, I have been lonely for many years and when my children left and went off to college I got out of a marriage of 26 years and though financially it has been a burden, I have a little Maltese since 2002 and when I get lonely and Miss my Mom who passed in 2003 and feel sorry for my self and often cry, he just gets right on top of me and will just get me so tickled I get over it, he is my baby and I will be lost if something should happen to him. I enjoyed this!
Another plug for animals…last month I got a cat from the animal shelter where I volunteer. Volunteering was great, but it was breaking my heart that I couldn’t have an animal at home with me where I am the most lonely, so I actually moved to a new apartment that allows pets in order to adopt a particular cat that I had formed a special bond with. Adopting the cat is the best thing I can remember that I have done for my loneliness. I am a little sleep-deprived, but the way the cat suddenly starts purring and kneading and snuggling with me at night is so sweet, and the way she gazes at me and curls up in my lap. Waking up in the morning to her, even if she does drag me out of bed a little earlier than I might choose, has banished what used to be a terrible spot of loneliness — those first moments of waking up. And here it is, Saturday night and I am all alone…but I look and see her dozing on the rug near where I’m sitting…she is not envying anyone or feeling she should be more popular or lively than she is…she is a good model.
@ Jane: Thanks, Jane. That’s a lovely story.