Doesn’t loneliness make you existential? And doesn’t existentialism make you smart?
Another idea that tends get linked to the notion of loneliness and creativity is the notion of loneliness and existentialism. The idea goes like this: Loneliness makes us aware of the fact that we are ultimately alone. Awareness of this essential aloneness is, in theory, freeing and enlightening, since it allows us to march to the beat of our own drummer, create work that is true to our inner self, and turn our backs on social expectations.
I have a lot of problems with the loneliness = existentialism equation. First off, I don’t think that we are fundamentally alone. We’re all works in progress, and we derive our moods, ideas, and indiosyncracies from relating to the people around us. It’s not uncommon to know when someone is thinking of you; it’s not uncommon to hear the phone ring and to know who it is that’s calling (even if you don’t have call display); and it’s not uncommon for emails to cross, with each message writer being prompted to write by thoughts of the other.
I think that, at our best, we’re linked. We’re supposed to be linked: for safety, happiness, protection, and growth. We develop in relation to the people around us: if you take those people away, we become not stronger and more insightful, but weaker and more limited.
Loneliness in small, bite-sized doses might indeed pull you away from the crowd for a while and give you a chance to recognize your own concerns and priorities. Excellent. But let’s not characterize long-term loneliness as something that makes us profound. We need other people in our lives, and telling ourselves that loneliness is a “gift” is a hoax like any other.
This entry was posted on Saturday, January 23rd, 2010 at 10:35 am and is filed under the category Loneliness and Creativity.
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2 Responses to “Doesn’t loneliness make you existential? And doesn’t existentialism make you smart?”
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I so appreciate that you have written this book. I have been lonely for so much of my life and I am a lot older than you are! I can’t wait to read the book. Explaining to people that being lonely doesn’t make me more creative or more spiritual etc. is something i have given up on. Maybe now i can just send them to your blog or give them the book! Thank you.
Re: We need other people in our lives, and telling ourselves that loneliness is a “gift” is a hoax like any other.
Hi Emily, if you have seen the movie hearts in atlantis the absentee mother gives the child a library card and the child is upset and the old man says cheer up. I say the same to you. Loneliness is not good but as a lawyer don’t you know how to spin things just a little bit. Yes, saying loneliness is a gift is over the top but don’t be so harsh. Downplaying something as not being so serious is not a bad thing. It helps us cope with life. And Emily let me remind you of your mission statement– “to help lonely people feel less lonely”– by seeing loneliness as not entirely evil perhaps that can help alleviate loneliness. I’m reading your book a second time as I write this. Good night.